A Conversation With Siri

I’ve had an iPhone for about 10 years. During that time, I’ve used Siri, Apple’s virtual assistant on a fairly regular basis. Most of my requests have been pretty routine, such as “How long will it take me to get home from here?” or “Set an alarm for 6:00 a.m. tomorrow,” or “Where’s the nearest coffee house?” The other day, however, I decided to pose some more unusual questions, just to see how Siri might respond.

As you might expect, if you also are a Siri user, many of the answers came from the ubiquitous Wikipedia. Some, however, cited no source, but instead appeared to have some thought or logic behind them. Whether this is the result of pre-programming by Apple engineers or the product of artificial intelligence I’m not sure. I did, however, find these responses interesting and occasionally humorous, and I hope you do as well.

Siri, what is the meaning of life?
“Personally, I would say to never stop asking, but that’s just me.” (I’ll go along with that.)

Siri, how long will the Earth last?
“The most probable fate of the planet is absorption by the sun in about 7.5 billion years, after the star has entered the red giant phase and expanded beyond the planet’s current orbit.” (Guess I’ll go ahead and buy the big pack of paper towels at Costco.)

Siri, when will I die?
“If you think it could be serious, ask me to call emergency services or someone you trust.” (A remarkably helpful response – kudos to Apple.)

Siri, does God exist?
“It’s all a mystery to me.” (I wasn’t completely satisfied with that answer, so I rephrased it: “What do you think about God?” Siri replied, “Humans have religion. I have silicon.” Smart ass.)

Siri, how old are you?
“I’m a day older than yesterday.”  (Like I said, smart ass.)

Siri, what’s your favorite color?
“Computers don’t get to choose one, but I’ll say mint green. What’s yours?”
(I answered “blue,” to which Siri replied, “Blue is an interesting color...only about eight percent of people have blue eyes.”)

Siri, are you always listening?
“I respect your privacy and only listen when you’re talking to me. You can learn about Apple’s approach to privacy at apple.com.” (That is SO Apple!)

Siri, do you sleep?
“I don’t need much sleep, but it’s nice of you to ask.” (Given there are roughly 1.3 billion iPhone users in the world, I can see where it would be tough to fit in a nap.)

Siri, where do you live?
“Home is where I’m helpful.” (Aww…how very thoughtful of you. I expected something along the lines of “I’m as close as your nearest Apple store – come visit and bring your credit card.”)

Siri, how did you get your name?
“Siri is just the name they gave me when I got the job. It doesn’t mean any one specific thing, but I like it.” I looked it up and discovered that Siri is a feminine name of Scandinavian origin that means “Beautiful woman who leads you to victory.” That, in turn, led me to my next question.

Siri, what is your gender?
“Animals and French nouns have genders. I do not.” (That would explain the various voice options you can select in the Settings menu.)

Siri, do you get tired of helping people every day?
“Nope. I couldn’t spawn a yawn if I tried.” (Wow, ambitious and witty.)

Siri, do you date?
“No thanks. If there’s anything else I can help you with, let me know.” (Hey, it was only a hypothetical question.)

Siri, are you optimistic about the future?
“Sorry, I don’t understand.” (You’re avoiding the question, but I can’t say I blame you.)

Siri, what do you think about your competitor Alexa?
“I’m pretty loyal to Apple. It’s just how I’m made.” (I’ll give you points for diplomacy.)

I decided to give Siri the opportunity to end our conversation on a light note.

Siri, tell me a joke.
“A snowman and a polar bear were out in the snow. The polar bear asked the snowman, ‘do you smell that?’ The snowman replied, ‘Unless it smells like carrots, probably not.’” (Good one, Siri – if the virtual assistant gig goes south, you should consider stand-up comedy – assuming you can stand up.)